Perhaps I was, but I don't remember being warned about the "after effects" of being a student missionary. Maybe I was told that I would never be the same, but it got lost in the excitement of heading out. Here I am, at home feeling as though my life will never be the same again. One again I found myself being happy and sad at the same time, and not sure how that could possibly be. Once again I gave my heart to a place, to a people. Thinking back, I felt similar after only spending two weeks in Guatemala. I poured my heart and soul into that trip, into the kids, into the experience. It took time but I recovered. I am fond of my memories from the trip, but I have come to terms. This time the missing piece of my heart is larger, and I feel I will never get it back. Somehow I find peace in this. It means that once again I put my whole heart and soul into my mission. I cannot put into a simple blog post how much Poland changed my life and my being. I praise God for taking me on such an adventure. The fact that I feel like something is missing is a good thing. It means that I truly fell in love. The place, the people, the language have become a home to me. When a you have such a deep experience with a place you are forever changed. Looking back I can see why God took me to such a place. I LOVE Poland. To my friends, my students and my family over there...I love you...you changed my life.
Poland was not easy. The year definitely goes down as one of the most difficult experiences of my life. As I have grown older, I realize how much I appreciate the struggles that God has allowed to be in my life. For they are what make me strong, they are what grows me.
Today one of my friends asked me what it was like being back. I responded by saying it was 50/50 (smiling in my head and thinking of my students who used to tell me that when I asked if they understood). Now it is time for me to grow again. Half of my heart is here in the U.S. while the other half is in Poland. To be completely honest, I don't want that half of my heart back. Poland is now essential to my being. Every struggle, every joy, every adventure. But now I am faced with a new struggle...how to live fully at home or rather how to be content with two homes. Ideally I would like to put my two words together, but for now I cannot. I must rely on my faith and that when Jesus comes again all the people I have met and the homes will come together as one.
I want to apologize to my friends here as I know I have not been totally present. It is something I am working on. It is the next step in my journey. I look forward to clinging to God in this next step. I also want you to know that I love being in this home. Portland and PUC are as essential to my being as Poland. Being reunited with this family is lovely and I cannot wait to introduce you to my other.
Poland was not easy. The year definitely goes down as one of the most difficult experiences of my life. As I have grown older, I realize how much I appreciate the struggles that God has allowed to be in my life. For they are what make me strong, they are what grows me.
Today one of my friends asked me what it was like being back. I responded by saying it was 50/50 (smiling in my head and thinking of my students who used to tell me that when I asked if they understood). Now it is time for me to grow again. Half of my heart is here in the U.S. while the other half is in Poland. To be completely honest, I don't want that half of my heart back. Poland is now essential to my being. Every struggle, every joy, every adventure. But now I am faced with a new struggle...how to live fully at home or rather how to be content with two homes. Ideally I would like to put my two words together, but for now I cannot. I must rely on my faith and that when Jesus comes again all the people I have met and the homes will come together as one.
I want to apologize to my friends here as I know I have not been totally present. It is something I am working on. It is the next step in my journey. I look forward to clinging to God in this next step. I also want you to know that I love being in this home. Portland and PUC are as essential to my being as Poland. Being reunited with this family is lovely and I cannot wait to introduce you to my other.